This isn’t what I usually post in this space. This is a reflection on a facet of my work that impacts you, too, even if you never speak on stage or publish a word you’ve written as long as you live.
It has to do with everyone’s favorite topic: ourselves! That’s not just my opinion or taking a page from the book of conventional wisdom. This is backed by real science. An article in Scientific American published in 2013 cites 60% of conversations people have concern themselves, and that figures vaults to 80% when the chatter is on social media platforms (wait until they see TikTok!).
The research cited in that same article suggests that three areas of the brain are activated by talking about oneself: the first is the area associated with self-thought. That’s not so surprising, but the other two parts, associated with “pleasurable feelings and motivational states”, was not well-documented at the time. All of this is to say that talking about yourself lights up your brain and makes you feel really good.
One exception, it seems? You have a speaking engagement. At least that’s been my experience with many clients. For the record, that is not a criticism. Speaking is highly individualized and dependent on your expertise, the precise forum, the audience and many other factors. All of that creates a high-stakes, and often high-emotion, environment.
However, there is a strong correlation between the quality of product that you deliver to the audience, and how well you talk about yourself and mine your own story to inform your expertise.
These aren’t hard and fast rules, but here are three guidelines that, when followed, will result in better speeches, better talks, and may bring you closer to activating those parts of the brain:
Set boundaries:
Some speeches and talks lend themselves more to personal anecdotes than others. Over the years, I’ve worked with an HR chief laying out his vision for the upcoming year, and a noted ophthalmologist making a powerful call to action about caring for their colleagues. These two speeches obviously have very different needs, and knowing how deeply to dig into your story is vital to preserving the integrity of your message.
Have meaningful conversations about your message, and what’s appropriate to share in context. Sometimes it’s open for debate, but make sure it’s decided before you start crafting.
Once set, don’t cross them:
The only thing more important than mining your story is mining it authentically. Social media culture has greatly distorted our view of not only what is appropriate to share, but when, how and in what context to share it. “Pics or it didn’t happen” (thankfully) doesn’t apply in professional speaking. It’s your responsibility and an act of empowerment to know where you want to go with your message and how not to get there.
Don’t cross them, but color fully and richly within those boundaries:
Once those boundaries and direction are set, though, you must fully commit. Authenticity is not about oversharing; it’s about sharing what best serves your message with integrity. Great speaking isn’t Hollywood; there is no room for poetic license. This is not the forum, and audiences expect different, and in this context, better.
If all of this sounds complicated, it is, but you don’t have to do it alone. Working with trusted advisors who “get you” is the key.